Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
