I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
