I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
