how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
