I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
