I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
