We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize