sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
