You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
