This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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