Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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