what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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