his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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