Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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