my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
