He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
do nipples grow back?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
