we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
