how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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