I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
