I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
