just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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