Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Its about making memories worth repressing
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
