Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
