party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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