I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
