If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
