Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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