god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
