Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
