Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
