im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
