I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
