She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
