wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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