No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
