so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
