That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
