$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
