The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
