Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
