he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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