I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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