is your mom at the bar?
In the future we'll all be gay
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
