I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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