'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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