So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
