I CAN MOONWALK!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
