like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
