and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
