You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
