I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
