As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
