was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
