i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
