I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
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His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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