I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
