Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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