God, you're like boner-b-gone
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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