used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
