i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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