The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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