no you cant smoke seaweed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
