i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
