I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
