People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
