she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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