He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
