I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
