a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
