he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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