he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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