dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
