He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
