how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
