nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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