there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
