Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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