words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
