I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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