where am i from again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
