just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
