Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
