He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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