So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
