I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm at about main and main street
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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