i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
